Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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