When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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