are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
