How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
