So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
