I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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