We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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