i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
