Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
