Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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