fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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