All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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