On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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