Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
