I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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