Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
