the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
