I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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