Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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