I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
