don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
