I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
