God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
