she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
