we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
