Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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