whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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