i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
