Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
