he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
