i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
