I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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