Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
