im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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