Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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