I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
