i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
