do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
