why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
