He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
