one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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