Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
