Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
