you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
