i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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