A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
