Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
