No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
