Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My pussy is not your playground.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
