can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
